Monday, February 25, 2013

BOOK REVIEW: Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James

Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1)

I can’t really believe I read this again. It was one of those; I’m bored and stuck at my parents’ house grab But… I needed something to pass the time, TV wasn’t an option and that was there. ( and I know I will now end up reading the other two)

Synopsis: (may include some spoilers..)

Little virginal Anastasia Steele stumbles into overly controlling Christian Grey’s life. She starts falling for him, becoming more entranced with him and his sexual ways. But come on, what girl doesn’t get obsessed over the first boy they sleep with and gives a little bit of attention back? Throughout the whole book I want to smack her in the face. If EL James was trying to write like a dimwitted teenage girl, Bravo! She did it great. How can someone be so naïve? Especially at 22. Did you really think outing your hair into pigtails would lessen his advances? Have you never heard of handlebars?! Go have a drink, date a few people, have ‘vanilla’ sex before you enter some weird ass territory. But that’s just my advice.

Then there is Mr. Grey. First off, he needs to tone down the asshole factor. I get it, you were sexually ‘abused’ as a kid. You get to have some asshole tendencies for that. But you don’t have to control everyone over everything. I mean- don’t order my food for me. At least Ana had the balls to stand up to some of his contract clauses. He’s hot, has money and knows how to please a women. Of course people will sign off on his ‘Dom/Sub” thing, just to get some of the best sex of your life for 3 months in exchange for a little spanking. Although I think he does take the whole Dom/Sub thing a little far. Its consensual is it not, not required to sign a freakin’document. A plus for him, I suppose, is that he is slowly changing not being as much as a pompus ass all of the time (just most of it).

Okay, I hate to admit it but ‘some’ of the sex scenes are hot and can get you in the mood if that’s what you are going for. It was trashy chick lit- mommy porn. But then again, some were very weird. The whole tampon sex string. I’m sorry. But I’m never going to let my guy pull my tampon out of me. That shit is weird. And of course your inner goddess is going to sing, you’ve never had an orgasm in your  fucking life, then all of a sudden some guy is going to do all these things to you that you have never experienced before.  Your vagina is going to be the happiest thing around. Of course you get obsessed.  But honey, sometimes the little thing called intution should be listened too. if sex is the only thing that brings you together, it prob ain't gonna work out.

The whole premise of their relationship is borderline abusive. I mean, I get it people have weird sexual kinky fantasies, to each their own I guess. But come on, he stalked her, and Ana constantly thinks he is threatening her and is scared he is going to beat the crap out of her and spank her silly. He controls what friends to see and when. Then he buys her presents, cars, clothes to say he is sorry and that he won’t ever do it again, but she really should listen to his warning about not biting her lip. Isn’t this like Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship 101? I mean, when you cry after sex and is afraid of your partner being angry at you... Warning Signgs 202! I also don’t’ get how how many people think that Christian Grey is this all star romantic person. I mean, who wouldn’t love a guy to give her multiple orgasms a day? But to be constanlty going thought a battle in your head is insane. Ladies, you can’t change a man. You may get smitten with one, but if all you want is love and he constantly tells you all he wants to do is whip you, yougGet out before you get in way to over your head.
 ;) winky face(OMG!)- the emails. Another thing completely stupid. But also one of the most entertaining parts. It showed a bit more 'realism' in their loving (HA!) relationship. When Ana first got the computer she was all 'OMG I have an email address? Umm what century are you in. At least she was witty with the subject titles.
I did give this book a 3 stars though. For filth trash chick lit reading, it passed. For a well written plot it failed. For making females look like naïve girls who will do anything an attractive man with power/money wants, it passes.

Later, babys.

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