Dear New Mom

Dear New Momma Kendra;

The last time I wrote myself was when I was 9 months pregnant, now I have a 4 month old - so I figured it was time to recap how things have been going.

The first couple weeks were tough. Breastfeeding sucked. Especially the first couple of nights (although it felt like months at the time) I sat there crying, while H was crying too. Wondering if I should just give up and grab the formula on stand by. But I persevered. Not because I was adamant about breastfeeding, but I guess deep down I knew I wanted to try it. I gave myself 1 month, then 2, then 4. Now I am at 6 months for my goal to keep going.  But that's another post, for another day. One trip to a lactation consultant was a god send. We found out that Hunter was tongue tied and that was why he was having trouble latching. Once that was solved, breastfeeding came much easier.

I figured out how to get by on 4 hours of sleep.  Its crazy to think that I used to need 10 hours to function normally. Now the little amount seem doable. Guess I could have partied harder back in the day.   When the first time Hunter slept for a 4 hour stint during the night, I felt energized. I even made Garett breakfast that morning.  Now, he is sleeping through the night which means I get to sleep too.

The thing that was hardest at the beginning was the 'scheduling' of the day. Having to feed every two hours, meant for very segmented days - and at the beginning as I wasn't quite confident in breastfeeding in public yet - made for very long, boring, netflix filled days with super mini trips to the grocery store. Wal-mart became my go-to. I could walk around for an hour while H slept, and with it only being 3 minutes away from the house I could drive back super fast if Hunter needed feeding. Now, I am one of those people who really don't care if someone sees my nipple - if the babe is hungry I am going to feed him.  Also, the days are much better the older he is getting.  Not going to lie the first couple months - while everything is new and exciting, babies are boring. They really do just eat, sleep and poop. And some days all I felt like was a cow (between feeding and pumping) and a diaper changer. Sure, I marvelled at every milestone but it gets to you sometimes, and I don't want to sugarcoat it. Its hard. But now that he is sleeping lots during the night, and more or less has the same nap times during the day I find my day is much more fulfilling as well. I get stuff done in the house, I bake, I clean.... (well...sometimes), I started making jewelry again, and I started working out again. I feel like me again with a super cute bonus.

Another thing that was a big change getting used to was G and I sleeping in separate bedrooms.  As G works during the week we made a mutual decision for me to take over the nighttime feedings during the week. So, to make it easier for the first 2 months or so, we slept in different rooms - or me on the couch. This was because Hunter was up a lot during the night, and it was just easier for me. Hunter also didn't like sleeping in his cradle or the bassinet that we had for him in our room as well. The only place he would sleep at first was on my chest or in his swing. When one day I finally put him in his crib and he slept for magical 4 hours straight. I believe this was when he was about 10 weeks old.  I was so stoked to this because it meant I could move back into our bedroom, and rekindle the  ol'
 flame, because it is hard to have intimacy when you both are so tired and want to sleep, or have the thought of "please baby don't cry'" thought running through your head.

Thats another thing. The relationship between G and I is certainly different.  Not a bad different at all. But it is different and I think it took both of us a while to figure out our new roles. And I think anyone who is wanting to have kids have to know that it will change. Our main focus is Hunter now,  hell, I don't even remember what we used to talk about before. The main thing is though I loved G before, and now I love him as a father even more. Hearing Hunter and Garett babble and giggle to each other melts my heart.

Now Hunter is 4 months old. We joined a baby yoga class. We sleep through the night.  And everyday I marvel at something new he can do, be it hitting buttons on the exersaucer, to making a new squeal. I cannot even think about how life would be without him, or that my phone would be used solely for taking 100 pictures of him daily.

Motherhood is hard but also so rewarding.  Sure coffee and wine are needed some all day and there are some days when I do have fleeting moments of missing pre-baby life, but then Hunter smiles and coos and I can't even believe I had those thoughts.

I am home alone most days, and feel guilty if the  dishes don't get done But then again, I am trying my hardest to make the most out of Hunter's every waking moment. Looking back  it's crazy how fast the first two months went. Going to the doctors every  other day it seemed, making sure H was gaining weight properly. All was good. But very busy. At least I mastered the car seat. Now it seems that our weeks are pretty bare. But also goes by so quickly- I mean wasn't yesterday just Monday?

So far it has been worth it, 1000x over, and I can't wait to see what else it brings! And don't feel guilty if you want that glass of wine... you deserve it!

Xoxo,  Kendra