I'm not a perfectionist. But I am a full on shamer. I shame myself constantly and that has led to years and years of being self-conscious. I also worry what other people think. (hence my social anxiety). This book helps you understand that you can let go of all the random thoughts of how you think you should behave and just be you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to be authentic. To let go of who we are suppose to be, and just be. Know who and what your accountable for. Know who is worth being part of your story. I also really enjoyed the part of how you respond to a friend when they have a shame experience.I realized how much I talk back wrong and am always trying to "one-up' them without realizing it. Something I will now work on!
Brown states in order to live this wholehearted life, we must:
1. Let go of what people think (authenticity)
2. Let Letting go of perfectionism (self-compassion)
3. Let go of numbing and powerlessness (resilience)
4. Let go of scarcity and fear of the dark (gratitude and joy)
5. Let go of the need for certainty (intuition)
6. Let go of comparison (creativity)
7. Let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth (play and rest)
8. Let go of anxiety as a lifestyle (calmness)
9. Let go of self-doubt and “supposed to” (meaningful work)
10. Let go of being cool and “always in control” (laughter, song, dance)
2. Let Letting go of perfectionism (self-compassion)
3. Let go of numbing and powerlessness (resilience)
4. Let go of scarcity and fear of the dark (gratitude and joy)
5. Let go of the need for certainty (intuition)
6. Let go of comparison (creativity)
7. Let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth (play and rest)
8. Let go of anxiety as a lifestyle (calmness)
9. Let go of self-doubt and “supposed to” (meaningful work)
10. Let go of being cool and “always in control” (laughter, song, dance)
I enjoy #7 the most. Why is it so important to be busy, that you are 'shamed' if you actually have nothing to do in the evening but relax and watch mindless television?
#8 is something I need to work on. Mixed in with #6.
I pulled out some of my favorite quotes from the book to see if they spark something in you.
"Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves."
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen"
“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
“Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling."
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
Also, she has a lovely TED talk that everyone should watch. Thanks Dani for posting it for me to watch!
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