Dear Preggo Kendra the Second

Dear Preggo Momma:

Wow! 33 weeks with baby number 2! This time is different. Just read what you wrote to yourself when you were pregnant with Hunter. And remember how lucky you were. This time, well to be honest it hasn't been bad, harder than the first for sure. But when you actually sit down and compare, you've been lucky this round too, just bigger feeling. But lets start at the beginning.

After H turned 1, you and G decided that yup, maybe its time for another one. Then bam. It happened. A lot quicker than either of you guys were thinking. But here we are.

The 6 week and 12 week ultrasounds all came and went. Happy that the babe was growing healthy. With that the first trimester came to an end. This is the first time you actually threw up with a pregnancy -although only a couple times. And felt that hungover nausea feeling constantly.  Also combined with having the flu and colds (thanks winter!) made it feel real. And shitty at the same time.

With the second trimester you met a lot of back pain and hip problems. Massages and baths didn't always help and there were times you were stuck on the floor until you could muster enough energy to get up - although H thought this was fantastic.  The cravings, while nothing weird definitely hit. Baked goods and ice cream. And chocolate.

Then the 20 week ultrasound. The big gender reveal. A boy. Another one. To be honest, you weren't happy with this news.  You had your heart set on a little girl. Apparently gender disappointment is a thing too, you googled it, checked different forums, and realized (after a few tears) that another boy wouldn't be too bad. In fact it will be great to have that brotherly bond between H and little no name. Sure you still get a little sad that you won't get to have that mother-daughter relationship, but hell I can become a crazy mother in-law one day!

Now you are just under 2 months  away from giving birth. You pray its as easy as the first one...but have a feeling its going to be a complete 180. The back (and hip)  pain and exhaustion is definitely in the forefront. Sleeping is harder this round.  But the biggest difference between this pregnancy and the first one; the lack of time to relax. You have to chase a toddler around, bend down and lift him up constantly.  You also have the guilty SAHM feeling that you didn't have the first round. You feel that you should keep the house tidy and food all ready and cooked, when all you do is want to nap at the same time H is.  I know its all in the head and that G doesn't care, but ya...

This will most likely be the last time you are pregnant and you should revel in  it, but you are also so done with feeling like a mammoth and not being able to crawl on the floor and play with H.

 7 more weeks!

Love, Kendra

(now go put your feet up and have a fake beer!)

Dear Mom of a 1 Year Old

Dear Momma of a ONE year old;

You made it one year!  Give yourself a pat on the back. Or better yet, pour yourself a glass of wine.  You deserve it. You somehow managed to survive. He somehow managed to survive.

You managed to somehow get by on a lack of sleep. And not that he isn't sleeping. He is. But he still whines and whimpers at least 3 times a night, so you don't exactly get a full 6-8 hours either. On those glorious nights where he manages to sleep in its entirety,  you feel like superwoman.  You get excited when 7pm gets closer and H actually wants to go to bed, and falls asleep quickly. You revel in that time off, to have some one on one time with G.

You managed to run a household. You know that when (and if) he decides to nap. its go time. You make coffee, you shower, you eat,  you cook, you clean, you packed up your entire house, you fold laundry, and yes sometimes you nap or watch something mindless on TV. Hell you need a break too sometime.

Especially now that Hunter is walking.  He wants to explore. Climb. He has already given himself a black eye. You know he is going to be a bruiser. And you know he is going to be exhausting. Some days all you can do turn on Paw Patrol and watch him play while you sit on the couch drinking your coffee wine, waiting for G to come home.  Somedays you have no energy to think of something new and exciting to do. And that's okay.  Know that he is learning so much right now, that even a simple trip to the grocery store is mind blowing to him.

The teething. The growing pains. All suck. But the snuggles.  You sure do love the snuggles, looking down at his sweet face, knowing that you are his only comfort at that moment in time. That makes the heart swoon. It makes it worth all the crying and sleepless nights.

The hair pulling and biting- well that can fuck right off. Who knew little hands and teeth could hurt so much. And H rolling around while getting his diaper changed, you pray he is ready for potty training sooner than later, but hell, at least you've mastered changing a diaper while standing up. And you've only had shit smeared on you a couple 6 times.

And at the end of the year of maternity leave, when most mom's are heading back into the work force, you decided to say goodbye to a career (at this time) and become a SAHM.  The pressure of wanting to raise a perfect little boy, while having fun and fulfilling activities to do all day - all while trying to make friends in a brand new (small) town... is daunting. It's on your mind a lot.  But remember, sometimes Paw Patrol will be enough.

Look back at the past year with fondness. With admiration. You raised a beautiful baby boy who is now a toddler. That year went by so fast. When you were so proud that he murmured for the first time, to rolling over, to sitting up, to crawling, now to walking. Soon he will be talking, potty trained, and then going to schools, playing sports and having his first love, moving out, travelling the world.   The growing up scares you, but you also cannot wait for Hunter to grow up. To experience all that the world has to offer.

You still can't believe that a year has gone. Also, don't ever apologize for posting to many pics on instagram. Your kid is the cutest kid alive and well everyone else just has to suck it up.

Love,  K

10 days old

363 days old

Dear Pregnant Kendra

Dear Kendra;

Look at you, almost 9 months pregnant, 35 weeks actually. I know if you were asked 10 years ago if you were ever going to have kids, you would have laughed and had a non-commital answer, probably saying that the monkeys were going to be your kids.  Amazing what falling in love with the right person does. Now I can't imagine having a life without the possibility of having kids.

What I actually wanted to talk to you about was how this whole pregnancy thing has been for you, before you forget and fall in love with the little guy inside of you. 

You my friend have been very lucky. Remember that. And hope that if you ever get pregnant again, you will have the same luck. 

You had a feeling you were pregnant.  As you are fairly regular, and one - two days missed. You knew. As we were waiting a while for a positive, the test confirmed and as much as you wanted to call and tell Garett - you waited until he got home from shift.  Which was only a day or two.  And how did I tell him. By making a cake with the word DAD on it.   We were both so happy.

The first trimester came and went. Yes at times you felt like you were hungover for days at a time. But really, thats a feeling you have been in before with years of partying practice.  You didn’t feel vomit. You weren’t a bitch, no more than usual anyways. I think you were trying so hard to be strong emotionally, perhaps even a little detached. Just in case.  The last thing you wanted was to face that blank screen again. 

Then the day of the first ultrasound. Nerves all around. I know both you and Garett wanted to be excited. Both trying to be strong for each other. Just in case.

And we saw our baby. Growing healthy, with a nice strong heartbeat. Relief flooded both of you. 

We are having a baby. 

The news officially hit us, 12 weeks in.  You allowed yourselves to be excited. 

Onto the second trimester.  Again easy. You only really suffered from a bit of heartburn and sore backs. But I think the sore backs were only exacerbated by the fact that you sit in a car all day for work.  Nothing that Zantac and massages couldn’t help.

Week 20 finally came. Which has so far been the best day so far of the entire pregnancy. Because we got to see the baby. That ultrasound confirmed we were having a lilted dude.  And more importantly it confirmed that everything looked good. And healthy. 

The planning began. Garett and you agreed right away on the nursery. The name lists kept getting longer, then shorter, then longer again. 

Then the kicking began.  Another great moment.  Sometimes you got irritated, because you were really tired, but then realized it was  the one bonding moment you can have with your unborn child. You loved to feel the twists and turns, the punches and the kicks.  It’s the one cool, albeit weird thing that you will miss. 

With the third trimester coming to an end, (only  6 more weeks to go), the back pain and the urge to have to pee every 5 minutes continue. It makes sleeping a little difficult. That combined with your busy mind, some nights have been pretty restless.  Also  the marvel of how big one can actually get. Pants that fit one day and magically were to tight the next made dressing in anything but yoga pants seem a bit daunting. 

And with the third trimester comes the increase in doctors appointments.Yes the doctors appointments got tedious, waiting for what seems like hours, only to have your blood pressure and weight measured. But remember the thrill (and relief) of hearing such a strong heart beat every time.  That made it worth it.

Again. I know at times you probably wished you had some weird cravings, or random mood swings, just to have some stories to tell.  And I know sometimes you feel that you aren’t connected fully to this thing growing inside of you. But really, thats you.  You have never showed outward excitement over anything, but it doesn't mean you aren’t excited. 

Enjoy these last few weeks.  Take time for yourself. Pamper those feet and back. Prepare the house so you don’t feel overwhelmed.  But mostly relax.  Make sure you thank Garett. He has been amazing, offering massages, cooking dinners,  basically being a great support.

Take care and know in about 5 weeks or so you will have a little bundle of joy. 

Kendra